It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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