God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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