my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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