lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
