Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
