she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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