you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
