I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
