Who wears a wallet chain?!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
