dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
