loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
