uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
