You don't have asthma, your pregnant
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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