Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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