see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
