You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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