This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
