Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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