NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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