I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
