Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
