I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
