I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This baby is an asshole
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
