i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
