I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize