omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
