Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
