Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
