I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
