grandma shit on top of the toilet
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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