so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
