You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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