i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
