Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
