the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
