I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
