So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
