is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
