help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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