Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
