i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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