She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
