just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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