and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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