Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
