She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
