It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
