I hate all girls vehemently.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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