don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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