after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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