Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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