i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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