walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
