I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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