thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize