MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
