he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
