She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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