i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I currently don't understand fingers.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize