Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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