I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
