last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
