she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
