They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
