So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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