I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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