im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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