just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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