My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize