someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
foreskin is a definite game changer
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
