If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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