I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
