i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
