woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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