how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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