I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
