note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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