why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Shame - the story of my life.
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