Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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