why didn't you poke me back
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
