ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
