just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
