We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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