I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
