UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He shit in the fireplace
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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