Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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