If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
