I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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