My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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