Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
