he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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