New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
