doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
