you would pick up someone in the library
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
