Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
