I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
