I think scott just propositioned me for sex
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
