I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
